I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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