Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
