Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sext me about skeletons
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
