THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
me + whiskey = a bad person
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
