I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
