I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just high enough for therapy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
