By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
