so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
