I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
