All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
