Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
