Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
