omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
