Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
