So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
