No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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