she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
