i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
