youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
