No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
