i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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