The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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