You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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