she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He passed out mid-signature
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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