It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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