Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
