I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
