he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
