Pants 0. Shit 1.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
