shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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