I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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