I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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