All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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