I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
