When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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