Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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