Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Two words: blizzard sex
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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