Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
