its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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