I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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