How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
