He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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