Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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