I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
