I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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