Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
