do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
