I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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