I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
