they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
