grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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